Great amount of anger

Current Song: "Little Brother- Hiding Place"

1st my apologies for not keeping everyone up to date with whats going on but working two gigs and staying social gets to me but here we go, I have a lot on my plate.

Sept 15 2008 enjoyed one of the best Monday night football games I have ever seen. Good match up and chilling with my ace boon koon Black. So of course I'm in a good mood. Game ends around midnight and I am readying myself for bed. Then something hits me, and emotionally it takes a vicious toll on me. The next day is my fathers birthday. Special moment most would say right... Usually but here is the thing. The past year my father and I has had very very poor communication. But its due to the fact that he had issues at home and picked up and left. Mind you that he lives in another location than I do.
So with all that he dissappears for a good seven months. Which means alot of restless nights and worry days filled with hidden tears. But in April of this year we met up, spoke and got things back on track. And he made me a promise that he would keep in contact with me by any means necessary... Well once again I haven't heard from my father since Mid May asking how i did on my finals.
Between that time and now. Text'd and called to wish a happy fathers day, went to where he suppose to be living now, spoke with my little sister and it just doesnt seem to get through. So why angry now you ask?
My mother returns home last night and tells me that she spoke with my dad and he told her that "I dont deal with Al simply because he didn't graduate and I dont want to pay for that school bill. So why should I feel obligated to him?" WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT!!!??? Like I'm one not for the he say she say but you gotta understand here people i have no answers to go by with this man in to why he is just a complete mystery.
Now I see why I got chalked, but is it really worth it?! That question rumbles in my mind all last night up till this point. Own flesh and blood, father and son, two people who suppose to be best friends and I get chalked because you can't pay a bill that i told you is my responsibility in the very beginning. Like I dont wanna sound like a bitch but i've shead too many tears in that short time span over this. But once again, I see why this happened. Its letting me know "Alfie. Get you mind a bit more focused. Finalize your plan and be that man you know you can be."
I am damn sure gonna do that. But getting through this current mountain of pain is my biggest problem. I do feel alot better getting this out so I'm gonna close on this note. Happy Birthday Dad. Your Boy still loves you. Bye people

In-Freakin-credible

Current Song: Gym Class Hero's feat The Dream- "Cookie Jar"

All I can say is technology man. Its the one thing that I, as a semi-nerd, will always have a weak spot for. Now I don't have an I-pod. Never have. Simply I spend money on having a good time, and saving for big changes. But the very day that my skills in the world of Engineering pay off. Please Believe I'm shopping with a 5,000 minimum spending limit. (Side note: I'm very easy to please so I won't be out shopping too long so I'm definitely going to need assistance lol. Shopping resume and references please forward to my email. lmao)

Anyway, offing that tangent. Mac/Apple have done it again. I-pod shuffle has been turned into a simple sized ring. It has a wireless ear piece linked and has a small charging/syncing docking station. This thing is fucking awesome. I saw a prototype this past week in King of Prussia and been salivating about this since. I'm scooping two. One for each pinkie finger. Dig it people!

Check It

Okay! So if ya'll know me. You know that I have a healthy appetite for the world of Music. I have a variety of artists and genres. Even tracks that I believe are truly meant for the garbage. But I seem to be put on the fence with a certain track. Currently listening to a song titled "Everybody". Yes I'm about a few weeks behind but screw it, I'm ranting my issue now. What has me puzzled to enjoy it is they decided to let Farnsworth Bentley write his own lyrics and spit a quick sixteen. Hmmm right? Now, I don't ever consider myself a hater, simply because that takes too much energy and why hate when you can just do the same thing and make it better, but this guy really shouldn't be giving me Braxton P. Hartnabrig style into the music industry. I'm not too sold, but the song does hold quality positive attributes. Features Andre 3000 and its produced by Kanye "To Da" West.

So I'm going ask for your in put. Here is the song and when we cross paths in whatever communication Medium we have, please give a thought. Thanks and Enjoy!

Got the motivation

Current Song: DMX- "How's It Going Down"

Dig this ladies and gentlemen. I was out just chatting it up with couple friends speaking my thoughts about many things and they told me that i should have a blog site to put this stuff down.... So I do. My apologies for not keeping people who take the time to read this. I have been slacking So we will get into a lot of things. Starting with Good news!

Recently I got a letter in the mail stating that the Amtrak corporation would like for me to work in their engineering department. Not to sure of exactly what it is but I am very much excited to find out all the details. So that puts me in the ranks to become a success in my eyes.

Now with good always comes the bad. Parents do not agree with the positive change. Giving the information that the job is located in Newark New Jersey. Which of course I have no problem. But here comes the mess about: "Where you gonna live?", "How can you afford it?", "You need to ask if you can do it from Philadelphia." blah, blah, blah, yakkity smakity! I'm getting old and living under the parents roof as a man is not too appealing to the masses. So I can definitely see why it's important for me to "get things in order". Not just for me but to catch the interest in others.

So world, I'm dealing with stability/mundane with the parents or the new and unknown. Personally, I believe that I can do both. But I NEED to make things happen

AAhhh Que sera sera right.


Talk to the world again in a little bit... Chao-zah

Ain't this a kick in the pants

Current Song: Lupe Fiasco feat. Yummy Bingham "Much More"

Okay ppl. So the past week I've been in and out of various offices, interviews, meetings and homes, trying to get a grip on a better career opportunity. Which means I have had no time for my little ones, this blog, friends and Mom's nagging (which isn't too bad there). But today was a real sack breaker. Interviewed at this factory today. Nailed the greetings, had some laughs, conversed about my life and his. Then he his me with something I never heard before. "You're a good kid, and personally this job is way beneath you. You're no dummy, so I can tell you're better than this." WTF is that about man?! I was hit with an ultimate stunner. But i took the drive time as well as the time b4 writing this to realize. Yo, I'm not as spectacular of a guy as I thought I was. For him to tell me that means the things I do and say never excite the ppl for long. Jr High and High school teachers and mom always telling me "You only do just enough to pass, nothing extra." A key relationship failed due to "I plateaued the joys and fun between us." Jobs "You are a consistent worker among us, but do you think that you can kick it up a notch?"
Its comes down to this. I'm not settling for what the masses want from the start. I'm making moves to get and achieve greatness and beyond. Its only fair that after a certain point in time that I can demand/deserve the same. Maybe, Just maybe this will gain the pleasures from the world I seek with love, money, motives, friends, family, all the way down to looking in the mirror everyday. Soon all this will amount to something then I will get everything and everybody I want around me.
On the brighter side of things I have plans to travel to Europe in late fall or early winter. Two Countries in two weeks. Any and all are welcomed if you can afford.

Fresh Start aka: The Inebriated Vision

Current Song Playing: Labi Siffre- I Got the (Blues)

Well ppl. this is my first blog site and attempt! This is the point in time that you should be proud and say well good for him. If thats not the case.... Fuck u i just wanted some damn approval! lol. But lets get down to business. So what im gonna do from this moment on is relay my thoughts and personal feelings twice a week. Simply my therapist considers this a healthy thing to do. I will get basically fully detailed with descriptive scenery, ppl and thoughts of course. So im gonna begin this with this past day of June 20th 2008. The day my cousins 1st nephew died.
Why is it that when ppl reach out whenever listen to them? Or if we do listen, why don't we as a dominate species on the planet help our fellow man? Clearly this boy has had issues with his stepfather abusing him and his own mother taking the side of the stepfather only to be found lying dead on the floor of his own bedroom. So nobody sees the signs of someone trying to reach out. In short a simple cry for help. Only now that ppl are in a frenzy to help him. But at his age of 16 is to find a place to lay his head for eternity. Sad is the cliche way to put it. In my mind i would say its morally appalling to the masses. My concern is how will certain ppl react when im dead and gone. And with the dreams I've had for the past 8 years i really don't have that much time left to handle my life accordingly. Maybe I'm playing too much in to a simple dream/nightmare.
Life is complicated don't get me wrong. But where do we draw the line and consider just breathing and taking in the current moment a privilege and satisfaction. At this moment it is four in the morning, sitting in my basement with HBO on the flat screen and a couple of friends came through to have a couple of drinks, left and it took my mind off of the topic of death for quite some time. Now its like i always had someone here to leave all the current thoughts behind.
Eh. I'm just getting a bit too real for my current mind set. Love to all and these next couple of days you will hear from me.